'Fugly' once

‘Fugly’ once


By Crispy
Inquirer
Last updated 01:28am (Mla time) 10/07/2006

Published on Page A13 of the October 7, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

YOU know when proud parents go into a mock argument over who among their children took after their intelligence or lovable personality or nice physical attributes? “Sa akin yata nagmana ’yan” [“Of course, he/she took after me”], they would say.

I was the kid who excelled in school, so I used to hear that line from my parents whenever I brought home my report card or flashed gold medals or earned merit ribbons from a declamation contest or a science quiz bee. And it felt good.

But it felt different when I heard one of them say, “Kamukha mo siya” [“She looks like you”], and the other protested, “Hindi, mana siya sa ’yo.” [“No, she got her looks from you.”]

I overheard that exchange when, perhaps out of sheer boredom (or plain tactlessness), my parents started discussing who among their children were good-looking and who in particular looked like them. And sadly, I was the kid they were talking about when both of them jokingly denied any genetic responsibility for my less-than-dazzling looks. It seemed as if nobody wanted to be my “kamukha” (look-alike).

I heard those remarks when I was 13 years old, and that was when I came to realize that I was not beautiful. I struggled through my teen years up to my early 20s with a lot of hang-ups and insecurities, thinking I was smart but “fugly” (f---king ugly).

Now I am 28, and surprisingly, I turned out OK. Meaning I didn’t morph into a murderous sociopath (hurrah!) despite the many disparaging remarks that mercilessly crushed my self-esteem. Apparently I’m made of sterner stuff, though it took a while before knew I had it in me.

What’s a camera-shy girl to do when a photographer asks her, “Why do you hate to have your picture taken? ‘Hindi ka naman masyadong pangit’ [After all, you are not that ugly].” (I am quoting him verbatim.) Nasty.

What’s a nice, bright-eyed girl to do when, at the five-star hotel where she works, a snooty guest tells her, “Are you really working at the PR department? You don’t look like a glamorous PR person. You’re kinda more suited to desk jobs.” (I swear that is verbatim, too.) Nastier.

What’s a dark-skinned girl to do when her mother thoughtlessly remarks, upon seeing the new Nescafé commercial, “Ang pangit ni (name of model); ang itim pa niya” [“How ugly she is; and she is so dark”], little knowing that so many people had already told her daughter her “truly Filipina” looks and morena color reminded them of a younger (name of model). Nastiest.

What’s a girl to do? I took it all in. Cried a little. Wallowed in self-pity a little. Cursed a little. Sighed a little. Contemplated tearing out their hair or gouging out their eyes a little.

But I was generally OK. I comforted myself with the thought that, cliché though it may be, every girl is beautiful in her own unique, quirky way. It doesn’t matter how much a woman’s looks deviate from other people’s pre-conceived notions of physical beauty, because true beauty is so much more than rosy cheeks, perfect teeth, slender arms, not-a-strand-out-of-place hair, or flawless legs.

Again it is a cliché, but real beauty comes from within: essentially, what you get when you strip someone of her makeup, stylish clothes, snobbish job title, monthly salary, hunky boyfriend and what-have-you. It is what you get regardless of her age, complexion, body type, waistline, bra size or the shape of her nose. It is strength and resoluteness of spirit, integrity, compassion, passion, plus a lot of wit and good-natured humor. Beauty is moving with ease and confidence, being straightforward, making no excuses, enjoying life.

I’m still the same fugly girl, going by the conventional standards of beauty. No fairy godmother has come into my life and magically changed my looks. It was my attitude and outlook in life that changed. And that was when the magic kicked in.

I am what I am and I love what I see in the mirror every day. The ugly duckling has not turned into a beautiful swan, but it has become a full-grown, wiser duck.

People say true beauty radiates from within and that there’s a certain delicate beauty in minimalism and simplicity.

Because I grew up believing I was ugly, I found it uncomfortably amazing that someone actually described this duckling as someone “who looks so plain and so simple at first glance but has the unexpected beauty that creeps up and grows on you the longer you look at her -- ‘paganda nang paganda’ [growing more and more beautiful].” And that’s verbatim again.

To this day, my heart still skips a beat whenever I hear people tell me in all sincerity that I am simple but beautiful. The key word here is “sincerity,” and I can’t ask for more.

Crispy, 28, works in a government corporation as a communications specialist.

Students taken hostage in Philippines

Students taken hostage in Philippines
By PAUL ALEXANDER, Associated Press Writer

MANILA, Philippines - A day-care center owner hijacked a busload of his students and teachers and drove them to Manila's city hall Wednesday to demand better housing and education for the children.
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Jun Ducat and at least one other hostage-taker scribbled in large letters on a sheet of paper, taped to the bus' windshield, that they were holding 32 children and two teachers and were armed with two grenades, an assault rifle and a pistol, officer Mark Andal said.

One child with a fever was released after four hours, and then was driven away in an ambulance.

They said they were demanding improved housing and education for 145 children in a day-care center in Manila's poor Tondo district where the incident, televised live around the world, appeared to have begun. The driver was released soon afterward.

"I love these kids; that's why I am here," Ducat, identified by police and parents as the day-care center owner, told DZMM radio by cell phone. "We have a field trip. I invited the children for a field trip.

"You can be assured that I cannot hurt the children. In case I need to shed blood, I will not be the first to fire. I am telling the policemen, have pity on these children."

A standoff mounted as dozens of police surrounded the bus near Manila's city hall, and bomb squads and SWAT teams also were on the scene.

TV footage showed the young children, one in sunglasses, waving from the windows. A woman with her arm around a child could be seen making a hand signal asking for a phone as one of the gunmen held a grenade at her shoulder.

The woman reassuringly massaged the shoulders of one boy as she walked away from the front of the bus and the curtains were pulled shut. The children were allowed to wave again later, apparently to show they were OK, before the curtains were closed again.

Mothers of some hostages went on radio to tearfully appeal for their children's safety.

"We are asking him to free the children, to let our kids out," said Dema Arroyo, mother of 6-year-old hostage Angelica. "We will forgive him if he will free our children. We have no ill feelings toward him. He is a good person."

Ducat said he was asking in the children's interests.

"To the parents of the kids I am with ... I am asking for justice so they can have continued education up to college," Ducat said.

Social Welfare Secretary Esperanza Cabral talked with Ducat and offered assurances that the children would get a good education.

There were no details released on the ages of the children but the ones that could be seen through the bus windows appeared to be in early grades or preschoolers.

About 2 1/2 hours after the standoff began, Sen. Bong Revilla, who said he knows Ducat, was allowed to board the bus for negotiations.

Revilla emerged 45 minutes later and reported that the children were in good shape. He said Ducat was holding a grenade with the pin pulled out, and that his hands were shaking.

The engine of the purple-and-gray bus continued to run, providing air conditioning as midday temperatures reached 93 degrees. Ice cream was being brought for the hostages, Revilla said.

A police officer, standing about 15 yards away, held up a cardboard sign offering a telephone land line as another officer held up the handset. A third officer used a bullhorn.

Ducat, who claimed to have food for two days, refused to take the phone, saying he was afraid it would explode.

Ducat was involved in a 1989 hostage-taking with two priests in which he used fake grenades, but the priests did not press charges in what was described as a contract dispute.

In 1998, he climbed to the top of a tower to protest against the candidacy of a politician who he said was not a real Filipino citizen.

He was disqualified as a congressional candidate in 2001. It was not immediately clear why, but he was well known to local officials.

"I know him as a very, very passionate individual who has his own kind of thinking on the solutions to our problems," Manila Mayor Lito Atienza said. "But we cannot agree with his ways."